Warp-ed
by Moi -D
Summary: Love me, Mr. Coffee! LOVE ME!!!! The FF7 cast become their opposites after coming in contact with a mystical green stone. Don't kill me because of this! Its only an innocent humor ficcy! Really!! ~_^


Moi ô¿ô: Well, who wants to kill me at this point in time?  
  
~Crickets chirp~  
  
Moi ô¿ô: Good! I think I'll pack my things while you feel that way!  
  
Yuffie: Why's that?  
  
Moi ô¿ô: *blink* No reason you need to know about ^___^ *pulls the red fic-start lever*  
  
Person 1: I don't like this......  
  
Warp-ed  
  
By Moi ô¿ô  
  
~It is a quiet day in the middle of nowhere~  
  
Moi ô¿ô: Wrong setting Tilde Boy, and we forgot the disclaimer!!  
  
~Oops...~  
  
Disclaimer: Moi ô¿ô doesn't own FF7 or anything related to it, or mentioned in this fic, dammit!  
  
Moi ô¿ô: Ok, lets try this again!  
  
Warp-ed   
  
By Moi ô¿ô  
  
~It is a quiet day at Cloud's Condo, and as it seems, nothing could disrupt this peace.....unless...~  
  
Yuffie: Guyyyyyyyyys!!! Look what I found!!! *holds up a green, glowing rock*  
  
Cloud: Wazzat?  
  
Sephiroth: Wazzap?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Cloud: No, I said "wazzat" not "wazzap."  
  
Sephiroth: Oh....Well, what IS that anyways?  
  
Yuffie: Well....Its green....and....It glows! ^_^  
  
Tifa: Materia.  
  
Yuffie: Material?  
  
Aeris: Mat-er-i-a! You should know Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: What are you guys talking about? What's materia?  
  
Cid: Are you $#%@'n crazy?!?!  
  
Cloud: Remember? You equip it in your weapons, and everything goes WOOOOOSH!  
  
Yuffie: O_o You guys are nuts....*goes outside and leaves the green rock on the table*  
  
Sephiroth: What is that anyways? *goes and picks up the green rock*  
  
~............~  
  
Cloud: So? What is it?  
  
Sephiroth: *looks around nervously* !!!!!!  
  
Cloud: Whaaaaaaat?? *whines* I wanna know!  
  
Sephiroth: Like, what AM I wearing!? I must have been, like on DRUGS today! Oh! *walks suspiciously out of the room*  
  
All: o.o  
  
Cloud: What just happened? *stares at the green rock*  
  
Tifa: Don't touch it! *puts gloves on, and picks the rock up*   
  
Cloud: I wanna see it!!! *whines still* Gimmie!!! *runs over to Tifa*  
  
Tifa: Ack!! *backs up against the window, and accidently dropps the green rock between her boobs* Uh-oh....  
  
Cloud: GIMMIE!!!! *lunges at Tifa, and they both fall out the window*  
  
~Cloud and Tifa go flying out the window, and land on Yuffie, who is oddly enough, wearing a medical doctor's coat~  
  
Yuffie: OOF!!  
  
Cloud: Ouch....  
  
Tifa: *throws Cloud off of her* What did you think you were doing!?!? Do you realize what could have happned to me? Or Yuffie? Well...mostly me, but the point is, don't touch the boobs in public!!  
  
Cloud: What boobs?  
  
Tifa: *looks down* Oh, my GOD!! I can see my feet! What happenend to my boobies!?!?! *sniff* :(  
  
Yuffie: *gets up* What do you two homo sapieans think you're doing!? I was out here doing something to better the world, but YOU! You just ruined it! You've killed my virus eating creature-  
  
Cloud: Oh...so thats what's stuck to my butt...*peels off a flat-as-a-pancake creature from his butt, and tosses it in the ocean*  
  
Yuffie: I'M SPEAKING!!! You've killed my virus eating creature and for what!? Non-exinstant breasts!?!?!?  
  
Tifa: Waaaaaaa!!! My boobies!! They're gone!!  
  
Yuffie: Thats IT! I've had it! I'm leaving!! *marches out of the town, and into the mountains*  
  
~Tifa runs away, crying, and the green stone falls out the bottom of her shirt~  
  
Cloud: Hmmm.....*picks the stone up* ...................Nothing's happening to me....*walks inside with the rock*  
  
Aeris: What happenend to Tifa? Is she ok?  
  
Cloud: Yeah, she just ran off somewhere crying.  
  
Aeris: *sarcastically* Oh...is that all?  
  
Cloud: Yep. Here, you can take this. *tosses the stone to Aeris*  
  
Aeris: A gift??? Oh, Cloud! You shouldn't have! ^______^  
  
Cloud: Oh...ok, I'll take it back then. *reaches for the stone*  
  
Aeris: *hisses at Cloud*  
  
Cloud: o.o Mommy! *runs for his room*  
  
Aeris: This is so pretty!! Maybe I should make a necklace out if it! .....................Woah...I feel weird all of the sudden......*blinks a few times*  
  
Cid: What's the #$@!#'n matter?  
  
Aeris: *in a deepened voice* Shut yer trap! *stands up and looks in the mirror* Holy sh*t! I'm a pansy! *runs to the phone and dials a number* Hello? Is this the Buff-Mog Company?.......Yeah, I'd like to order one full Deluxe Gym! And I want it now, so git yer a$$ in gear! *slams the phone down*  
  
Cid: *walks up to Aeris* Nobody talks like that but me! Got it!?!?  
  
Aeris: LOOK, BUB! I'm the man of the house now! So you can take this stupid green rock and eat it!! *stuffs the rock in Cid's mouth*  
  
Cid: *runs away to spit it out* Ack! *spits it in the sink*  
  
~Sephiroth comes out of his room, in make-up, fake eyelashes, carrying a parasol, and wearing *gasp!* a sun dress!~  
  
Sephiroth: Yeah, Im style'n! *moves his butt when he walks*   
  
Cid: O_O WHAT THE HELL!?!??!?  
  
Sephiroth: Hey babe! I'm going out for a while, love ya! *smooches Cid on the cheek, and walks out the door*  
  
Cid: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @#$@#%$)&*%^&*%(#&*%#^*%$^&%$(^*%$(#^%$#&*%$&*%(@^&$#^*%&*%$%$@#^*%#^&%$#^&$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~Windows break, fish die, and plants shrivel~  
  
Cid: What did I just SAY!?!? *GASP!* I said the F-word! *dances in circles* I can't believe I did that!!  
  
~Meanwhile, In the mountains......~  
  
Yuffie: And this is for tying me to a big-a$$ face! *punches and kicks a stone carving of Don Corneo* Die! Die!!! DIE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!  
  
Evil Voice In Yuffie's Head: Make him PAY! Yeah! Oh, Yeah! This it! Punch harder!!  
  
Yuffie's Conscience: Now, Anthony, I don't think that violence is the answer. Let me take over for a while.  
  
Evil Voice In Yuffie's Head: FINE! Go ahead, Francis, like you could do better.....  
  
Yuffie's Conscience: I will.......*takes over*  
  
Yuffie: Woah! Why'm I up here? I...I...I wanna donate money to a charity!! ^______^  
  
Evil Voice In Yuffie's Head: I think I'm gonna puke. *shoves the conscience out of the controls, and takes Yuffie over again*  
  
Yuffie: Universe mixing!! Thats the answer!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!! *runs back down the mountain to the condo*  
  
~Back at the condo....~  
  
Aeris: *tries unsuccessfully to bench press twice her weight* I...want...MUSCLES, DAMMIT!  
  
Cid: Oooooo!!! You said the D-word!!! I'm telling!! *runs into Cloud's room*  
  
Cloud: *fiddles with a chemistry set* YES! Thats it! I have the cure to Mako poisoning!!! I am a genius!!  
  
Cid: Clouuud! Aeris said the D-word!!  
  
Cloud: Dioxide?  
  
Cid: Nope...not that D-word.  
  
~Yuffie comes bursting through the window~  
  
Cloud: By the periodic table!! What's going on!?  
  
Yuffie: Chaos!! *grabs a person from outside*  
  
Person 1: AHH!! What's happening!?  
  
Yuffie: Shaddup! *picks up some of Cloud's chemicals and throws them onto the floor*  
  
Cloud: NO! My precious work!! Destroyed!  
  
~Khavi (a fellow author) appears where the puddle of chemicals used to be~  
  
Khavi: Hey! I was eating a sandwich!  
  
Yuffie: Shaddup the both of ya! *sprays Khavi and Person 1 with a love potion*  
  
~Khavi and Person 1 look at each other, and begin to kiss~  
  
Khavi: Oh, Person 1!!!!!  
  
Person 1: *carries Khavi out of the room, into an unoccupied bedroom, where unusual noises are heard*  
  
Yuffie: HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAA!!! *twitches* Must...destroy rock....better the world....*twitches* HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA! *twitches* Destroy rock! *runs out of the room*  
  
~The rock glows brighter and brighter~  
  
Yuffie: Destroy rock!........Make the world better!! *puts the rock in the garbage disposal, and it gets chopped up*  
  
Cid: What the %$@???? Hey!! I can curse again!! Yeah, man!  
  
~Tifa walks in, wearing a tiny shirt.~  
  
Tifa: I'm going to adjust to boob-less life! I will! ^_^  
  
~Tifa walks back outside, and right when she gets in the middle of the town square, her boobs grow back, and her shirt ripped to pieces.~  
  
Tifa: *stands there, topless, while everone stares at her* ................  
  
Kid: Woah! DUDE!!!  
  
Tifa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~Back inside.......~  
  
Aeris: I can't move.......Too much excercising...Ouch...... *lays on the Buff-Mog Deluxe Gym* Help......meeeee....*rolls off, and lands on her face*  
  
Cloud: *walks in* Come back her Mr. Moth! I'm your friend! *tramples Aeris*  
  
Aeris: OUCH!!!!!!!!!! Not my day.....  
  
Yuffie: I'm ok! And I know what materia is!! Woo-hoo!!! *does a happy dance*  
  
~Later that night.......In some mystery place.....Sephiroth wakes up in bed next to some guy who very closely resembles a gorilla, and he knows exactly who to blame.....~  
  
Sephiroth: YUFFIE!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! *runs out of the house, and toward Costa Del Sol*  
  
Gorilla/Person: Come back! You still havent (((((((Censored))))))) *tackles Sephiroth*  
  
Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee.......  
  
THE END ô¿ô!!!!  
  
Note: You don't know who I am, so you can't kill me for defacing your favoriote character! ^_^ Except for you, Tyleet....and You, Khavi.....Uh-oh....I gotta go! Peace out! ô¿ô  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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